Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
