Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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