careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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