help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
