He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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