He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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