thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
