pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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