my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
