There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
