I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
