Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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