she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize