So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
