Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
