i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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