Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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