Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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