So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
