If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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