how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Randomize
