how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
