it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
