Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize