If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize