she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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