a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
