My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
