Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
