I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
