My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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