your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
