I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
