I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Buhtt sex?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
