Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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