I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
