how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
