1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
