I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
