Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
