Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
