i'm signing you up for texting rehab
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
