Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
