You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
