You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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