i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
