Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
