It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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