that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
