mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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