You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You've changed since you got that strap on
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
