just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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