BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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