i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
