Is it because I queefed?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
