Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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