I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
