my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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