Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
