i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize