I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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