he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
