we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
