I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
