Your mouth is God's brothel.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
