Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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