have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
