New invention idea: vibrating tampons
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I had to cum in my sink.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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