Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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