i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
