Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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