Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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