i just wanna soil my oats bro
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
