the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
