I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
