i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
