Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
