So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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