So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
