Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
