we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
