based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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